Drunk....dead drunk....had a horrible night yesterday...cried myself to slp...n i drank like hell lot...its been soo long ive nv been sooo dead..i was crazy for my actions...even fell down in the toilet n i think i crack my left arm,,because its hurting like mad...n my knee..blue black...sigh...maybe its because im depressed...n im having a fever at the same time..n somemore..im DRUNK...v v drunk...sigh...im touch with my parents actually....think they know im under going depression latly..so they r trying their best to cheer me up....bought me a new mattress n even change the bed sheet for me when im in sch....n when i got back yesterday afternoon...i didnt really care about them...but they stare at me n gave me a warm smile....sigh...n when i realise the change in my room, i smile back at them...although its not really a big smile...but im greatfull actually..hope they know....thanks mummy/daddy....hugs...i would be alright soon i hope..but wat ever shit i did last night....no body was at home...so no one saw me drunk anyway..
soo many thoughts went through my mind last night...i thought of my actions etc...which i guess im really in the wrong....im sooo insensitive....she should be the one getting afriad tat i might leave her...but instead its me....indeed...i always say im a good bung n so...ask her to treasure me all tat....its bull shit la....im not a good bung after all...serious....i felt bad...i felt tat im always the one having doubts about her...but as for her....she dun even have doubts about me at all...sigh...this morning when i woke up, im feeling terrible..think ive got a hang over...but still..i woke up n see her blog...n i didnt regret it actually..because im sure she has made me understand her more....who am i to her...n how i made her feel etc.at tat point of time, im awaked by all her words....im awaken by the actions i did...didnt know tat i was such a failure in love....maybe i am sweet towards them....but my actions r always making it worst...sigh...after all...ive always been the one asking qns...asking soo much...asking weather she still loves me n etc..but have i ever thought of her feelings whenever i ask her tat? tat i always had doubts about her...but where else she has none...sigh..after 7 yrs of being a bung...now den i realise wat kind of shit im giving to a gal...i should be glad tat she told me off str8....im thinking....deep thinking of wat am i..n wat have i become...i miss her.....miss her soo much...im always the one getting hurt in this r/s....but wat about her? have i ever ask myself tat...hai...im a bad bung la...i need to reflect for my own actions...i teared this morning when i saw her blog....when she said...she loves me...n tat would be the ans for the rest of her life.....i shouldnt have doubt her feelings towards me...i would have hurt a gal like tat...im wrong....im very very wrong...today..i felt lonely....i felt the coldness tat ive nv felt b4....my eyes were soo sore n my face were soo pale..i look like a vampire walking around..daddy sent me to adrian house today...i didnt talk much in the car...instead..her flashes keep appearing in my mind...n when i thought of tat, i wanted to tear agn...but dad was there...so i cun...why am i crying n crying....because i think ive hurt a gal tat i love most in my life....n i dun wanna lose her for my actions...where ever i go...i thought of her..even today when we were at the mama shop, i stare at the box of strepsils for quite some time,n adrian woke me up...i was thinking weather to get her one n bring it to her door step...but i didnt buy it..because i knw everything is too fast..she needs time...n i'll have to give her tat... n those chips i saw in the stall...i keep thinking of getting it for her...am i mad or wat...sigh..whenever im alone,i would think of her agn...hai...i hope this would be over soon....it hurts sooo much...n i dun like to put up a fake smile towards my friends...but im glad tat adrian n kev they dun mind la...dun mind tat im myself today...i didnt show much smile anyway...when its time to laugh i would...dear...u meant soo much to me...although im here without u....im thinking of u every second....u were nv out of my mind at all....i hope we could over come all these...when im not around.,..do take v good care of urself k...i would be ur good boy dun worry....be a good gal too k...i love u sooo much.....missing you......
soo many thoughts went through my mind last night...i thought of my actions etc...which i guess im really in the wrong....im sooo insensitive....she should be the one getting afriad tat i might leave her...but instead its me....indeed...i always say im a good bung n so...ask her to treasure me all tat....its bull shit la....im not a good bung after all...serious....i felt bad...i felt tat im always the one having doubts about her...but as for her....she dun even have doubts about me at all...sigh...this morning when i woke up, im feeling terrible..think ive got a hang over...but still..i woke up n see her blog...n i didnt regret it actually..because im sure she has made me understand her more....who am i to her...n how i made her feel etc.at tat point of time, im awaked by all her words....im awaken by the actions i did...didnt know tat i was such a failure in love....maybe i am sweet towards them....but my actions r always making it worst...sigh...after all...ive always been the one asking qns...asking soo much...asking weather she still loves me n etc..but have i ever thought of her feelings whenever i ask her tat? tat i always had doubts about her...but where else she has none...sigh..after 7 yrs of being a bung...now den i realise wat kind of shit im giving to a gal...i should be glad tat she told me off str8....im thinking....deep thinking of wat am i..n wat have i become...i miss her.....miss her soo much...im always the one getting hurt in this r/s....but wat about her? have i ever ask myself tat...hai...im a bad bung la...i need to reflect for my own actions...i teared this morning when i saw her blog....when she said...she loves me...n tat would be the ans for the rest of her life.....i shouldnt have doubt her feelings towards me...i would have hurt a gal like tat...im wrong....im very very wrong...today..i felt lonely....i felt the coldness tat ive nv felt b4....my eyes were soo sore n my face were soo pale..i look like a vampire walking around..daddy sent me to adrian house today...i didnt talk much in the car...instead..her flashes keep appearing in my mind...n when i thought of tat, i wanted to tear agn...but dad was there...so i cun...why am i crying n crying....because i think ive hurt a gal tat i love most in my life....n i dun wanna lose her for my actions...where ever i go...i thought of her..even today when we were at the mama shop, i stare at the box of strepsils for quite some time,n adrian woke me up...i was thinking weather to get her one n bring it to her door step...but i didnt buy it..because i knw everything is too fast..she needs time...n i'll have to give her tat... n those chips i saw in the stall...i keep thinking of getting it for her...am i mad or wat...sigh..whenever im alone,i would think of her agn...hai...i hope this would be over soon....it hurts sooo much...n i dun like to put up a fake smile towards my friends...but im glad tat adrian n kev they dun mind la...dun mind tat im myself today...i didnt show much smile anyway...when its time to laugh i would...dear...u meant soo much to me...although im here without u....im thinking of u every second....u were nv out of my mind at all....i hope we could over come all these...when im not around.,..do take v good care of urself k...i would be ur good boy dun worry....be a good gal too k...i love u sooo much.....missing you......