Fights.....for soo long...ive nv vent my anger....but dunno why..i just did last night...the evil in me...i cun seem to stop it..they seem to ask me to say more...more of those hurtful words to her..i force myself not to say so..heartaches..deep cuts...through my heart....if u could knw how painful it was...but i couldnt just bring those pain to u...cos its too unbearable...patience is wat i have in me...but there is always a limit.i guess..am i too hash?i thought...am i the bad one? i asked...but she said no...she said she was the one in fault...voice got higher cos of my anger...the anger in me..its like boiling larva...told myself to wait till 1.30 am..if still no sign of her, i would send her a msg which i nv sent b4...str8 forward and can str8 away let her knw the anger in me...while i was waiting,i felt scared....my heart is pumping.....n wild imaginations run through my mind...told her about it..but still..no sign of her....until i fell asleep.....n was awaken by the ringtone of my phone...it was a msg sent by her....a msg asking me to go to bed.....at tat moment....fire is already pouring out of me.....after all those waiting.....all i got is another msg asking me to go to bed....den why should i wait in the first place?at tat point of moment....i felt as if she love her friends more than me......am i foolish or wat...to have thought of such things....but this is all the evil sides of me...controling me at tat point of moment...without second thought...i send the msg to her.
Finally.....she called~Was wondering weather should i pick it up...or just let it ring...but i just cun bring myself to do tat....so i picked up.....apologys......etc....evil side of me..told me to be hash...n i did....but not tat hash as the past...where i used to fire out all my anger to the other ex...sigh...i controled....soo much...just soo much..words tat were out from me...hit back to my heart..n it brings heartaches....sigh....in the end...all i got was a silent treatment......seem nothing to talk about...felt sad.....was thinking....would we be like tat one day....got nothing to talk about anymore...n u would feel better if u were talking to ur friends..sigh....imaginations revovles in me...going round n round....when i tried....i tried to talk...but the more i talk....the more silent it gets...sigh..hated those silent treatments....nv once like it at all~ they r cold....sooo cold...tat sometime i could feel the chill dwn my spine~...maybe i love her too much...just soo much...tat she has aready took me for granted? i hope not....i love her....even when any other ppl come up to me...n ask me....who do i love...i can str8 away ans her I LOVE KAREEN TAN~ am i important? i asked myself....will i be standing alone in this r/s one day? qns start popping out...but wat i cun doubt is the feeling towards her....they r all soo real....n soo innocent tat i really hope she could cherish...my mind were spinning today...didnt manage to get a good slp last night...saw the msg....but was rushing to sch...i admit tat the anger is still within me....but once i saw the msg..tat u were in pain...those anger just vanish....i ask myself....am i gonna be soo crule? do i love this gal? n the ans is i do.....i do love this gal...n i love this gal alot...sorry to keep u waiting...n make u think tat i didnt care....i cared...i cared soo much....used to pray to god...for things tat happen to myself...but now...whenever i pray to him...i mention u somehow..telling him not to let u get soo much pain..whenever u r in pain,telling him hope everything would go fine for u....for each coming day...this is how much u meant to me....no one is able to compare...I Love You~ I Love You So Much....let bygone be bygone...as long as no such things happen agn.....im alright with it....i regretted for the evil sayings......felt bad....but tats because i love u...hope u understand... promise me tat u would Take v good care of urself till we meet agn k? i cun bear to see u in such pains anymore...u dun knw how much it hurts to knw tat...hugs tight...i love u baby.....Fow now...n For Life~~~it would nv changed.....
Finally.....she called~Was wondering weather should i pick it up...or just let it ring...but i just cun bring myself to do tat....so i picked up.....apologys......etc....evil side of me..told me to be hash...n i did....but not tat hash as the past...where i used to fire out all my anger to the other ex...sigh...i controled....soo much...just soo much..words tat were out from me...hit back to my heart..n it brings heartaches....sigh....in the end...all i got was a silent treatment......seem nothing to talk about...felt sad.....was thinking....would we be like tat one day....got nothing to talk about anymore...n u would feel better if u were talking to ur friends..sigh....imaginations revovles in me...going round n round....when i tried....i tried to talk...but the more i talk....the more silent it gets...sigh..hated those silent treatments....nv once like it at all~ they r cold....sooo cold...tat sometime i could feel the chill dwn my spine~...maybe i love her too much...just soo much...tat she has aready took me for granted? i hope not....i love her....even when any other ppl come up to me...n ask me....who do i love...i can str8 away ans her I LOVE KAREEN TAN~ am i important? i asked myself....will i be standing alone in this r/s one day? qns start popping out...but wat i cun doubt is the feeling towards her....they r all soo real....n soo innocent tat i really hope she could cherish...my mind were spinning today...didnt manage to get a good slp last night...saw the msg....but was rushing to sch...i admit tat the anger is still within me....but once i saw the msg..tat u were in pain...those anger just vanish....i ask myself....am i gonna be soo crule? do i love this gal? n the ans is i do.....i do love this gal...n i love this gal alot...sorry to keep u waiting...n make u think tat i didnt care....i cared...i cared soo much....used to pray to god...for things tat happen to myself...but now...whenever i pray to him...i mention u somehow..telling him not to let u get soo much pain..whenever u r in pain,telling him hope everything would go fine for u....for each coming day...this is how much u meant to me....no one is able to compare...I Love You~ I Love You So Much....let bygone be bygone...as long as no such things happen agn.....im alright with it....i regretted for the evil sayings......felt bad....but tats because i love u...hope u understand... promise me tat u would Take v good care of urself till we meet agn k? i cun bear to see u in such pains anymore...u dun knw how much it hurts to knw tat...hugs tight...i love u baby.....Fow now...n For Life~~~it would nv changed.....