Sigh...maybe im not a good gf after all...ive broke my words to her agn..although its not always...but still im in the wrg....sob...told her i would be going dwn to her shop to sigh up max on line...but due to my work load..i wasnt able to make it...sigh...i know im still a student now...i cun support her..i cun do anything now...everything i say...i can only wait till the near future to fulfill it...but wat can i do? quit sch now? g get a job n support her? there were times i really feel like doing it...but wat jobs can i do? either than being a chef in jumbo...i cun support her with just 1600 right? tats impossible...im soo sad....im sooo lost now...wat can i do to make her feel happy...anyone tell me? i know after a hard day work, she must be tired etc..so whenever she wants to start a fight, i always try to stop it, or try to swollow wat ever i could...just to make the day goes right...isnt tat enough? maybe its not....she needs someone to support her....but i cun...im useless la...it makes me feel tat im just a junk...can throw away anytime...although i cun support her finacially now..but im true...im v v true to her..i know i love this gal alot....just sooo much....but she dun understand how i feel....sometimes her words just hurt me sooo bad...its like knief slashing through my heart...but still the only thing i could do..is to blog dwn...didnt wan any friends to get involve...i think one day i might clear off all the friend list tat could link into my blog..becos i dun wan anyone to know wats happen to me....im a lonely man......i wun blame her is one day she is gonna walk out of my life...becos i know some one better might really take v good care of her...maybe better than i do...can support her with wat ever she wants...it hurts sooo much to say all these...m soo much in pain...i wanted to support her sooo much..i want her soo much do u ppl know? i wan her sooooo much.....sobz....but i cun i cun give her wat she wants...am i right dear? u make me feel tat i cun give u a single thing...tat u need...even a word....i could break...arghh....life has been soo hard now adays...but nobody know...im soo stress...i have loads of work to do..which i dunno how much would they pay me...i have to stay at home just to finnnish up the bloody work....n now becos of tat bloody work....i broke the words i told her..but i dun meant it for sure...i seriously dun mean it...im sooo freaking sad now.,..drinking myself away to forget the sorrows i have...just now i almost had an accident on my friend's bike..when she was trying to make a u turn..n dash for me to her house..when i know the tone of her voice changed...i bought her dinner n her fav drink...but she didnt even wanna spare me 5 mins of her time just to explain....infact i have to fight for it..n ive got it...i stand there explaining to her..i kind of being too rough i guess..oull her hands too hard..n i know she's in pain..im sorry dear...im really sorry....when she say throw away those things i bought for her...at tat moment,my heart breaks into a million peices...how can such words come out of her...arghhhhh..tell me.....why...sobzz..my heart is sooo painful....does anyone knows it? no one....i know les r/s is hard to have a forever...so now all i wish for is to let me treasure those times with her...n give her everything i could..gal....i love u..u r more than anything else in this world..do u know? when i say i miss u...i meant it...but i know explaining to u...doesnt work after all...i hope everything would be alright for me n u..i hope we could patch things up v soon...but whenever we had arguments i just felt tat u dun love me anymore....u r just too cold....sooo cold dear....sooo cold....................sobz...i must drunk myself tonight in order to slp le i guess...good la..then i wun have to remember the scenes which happen just now..which cut through my heart..is love long lasting? will u always be mine? sobzzz im lost....
